Sexual Gaslighting: A Toxic Reality in Indian Relationships
Neha Joshi - Jan 02, 2025
Is it love or just another mind game? Know what sexual gaslighting is and how you can overcome this monster with mutual respect.
Have you ever walked out of a conversation or situation with your partner wondering, "Wait, am I the problem?" If you’ve felt this often—especially in the context of intimacy—you might have experienced sexual gaslighting. Let’s unpack this toxic behaviour, how it manifests, and why it’s more common than you’d think, particularly in Indian relationships.
What Is Sexual Gaslighting?
Think of gaslighting as a form of mind games. It’s when someone manipulates you into doubting your own experiences, feelings, or memories. Add the word ‘sexual’ into the mix, and it takes a more intimate, insidious turn. Such relationships do not take too much time to turn into a toxic cesspool, which no one deserve to dwell in.
Sexual gaslighting happens when your partner invalidates your feelings about physical intimacy, twists events, or downplays behaviours that hurt you. Imagine this:
- You bring up feeling uncomfortable about something intimate, and they respond with, ‘You’re overreacting. It wasn’t a big deal.’
- You express a boundary, and they laugh it off: ‘Oh, come on, you’re not serious.’
Sound familiar? You’re not alone. Let’s dive deeper to help you spot the signs.
Signs You Might Be Experiencing Sexual Gaslighting
If you’ve caught yourself second-guessing your intimate experiences, here are a few key phrases and gaslighting examples to watch out for:
When they outright deny conversations or agreements, you distinctly remember.
Dismissing your feelings about discomfort or disrespect during intimacy.
Suggesting your concerns or complaints are fabricated or exaggerated.
Turning the tables when you bring your needs. Thus, making you feel selfish or undeserving for wanting respect.
Why Is Sexual Gaslighting Prevalent in Indian Relationships?
India’s complex mix of cultural norms, taboos around intimacy, and patriarchal structures makes it fertile ground for toxic dynamics like gaslighting. However, modern relationship shifts, such as increasing awareness about equality and the rise of open communication, are creating new challenges and opportunities for addressing these behaviours.
While some couples embrace progressive norms, others may find traditional attitudes clashing with contemporary expectations, amplifying the potential for manipulation.
Here’s why:
- The ‘Adjust Kar Lo’ Culture: Women, in particular, are often taught to prioritise their partner’s needs over their own, even if it means enduring discomfort.
- Sexual Stigma: Conversations about intimacy are cloaked in secrecy, leaving many people ill-equipped to recognise healthy boundaries.
- Power Dynamics: Traditional roles often place one partner in a position of control, making it easier for gaslighting behaviours to go unchecked.
The Emotional Toll of Sexual Gaslighting
The effects of sexual gaslighting go beyond momentary confusion. They can leave lasting scars on your mental health and sense of self. Here’s what it looks like:
- Eroding Self-Trust: You’re constantly doubting your own memories and feelings.
- Anxiety and Stress: The constant questioning can leave you feeling on edge.
- Decreased Intimacy: It’s hard to feel connected when your needs are invalidated.
- Impact on Self-Esteem: Repeated manipulation can make you feel unworthy of respect and love.
Examples of Sexual Gaslighting in Action
To make it real, here are some sexual gaslighting examples:
- You express discomfort during a particular act, and they say, ‘Everyone does this. Why are you being so uptight?’
- You bring up feeling pressured while doing a certain sexual act, and they respond, ‘If you loved me, you’d do this for me.’
- You point out their hurtful comment, and they deflect: ‘You’re so sensitive. It wasn’t even that big of a deal!’
Ways to Recognise and Respond to Sexual Gaslighting
If you have gone through the sexual gaslighting examples before, particularly those mentioned above, it’s time to take charge and stand up for yourself. Here is how you can spot the examples of gaslighting in a relationship:
- Spot the Red Flags: When you talk to the person you’re interested in, you must always look for manipulation, denial, or invalidation patterns that can pose as serious red flags in a relationship.
- Trust Your Gut: Have you ever gotten an inkling that someone is lying to you or using you for their ulterior motives? More often than not, if something feels wrong, it probably is. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.
- Call It Out: When you feel something has hurt you or someone has tried to dismiss your efforts, it is always better to voice your opinions immediately instead of bottling up your feelings. You must use clear, calm language; for example: ‘When you say that, it makes me feel ignored. Can we talk about it?’
- Set Firm Boundaries: It is easy to get swayed away by sweet messages from your partner during the talking stage of a relationship. However, it is always advised to set boundaries and communicate what is acceptable and what is not. Having a heart-to-heart conversation about the same will save you from getting mistreated and gaslighted.
Breaking the Taboo
It does not take too much time for gaslighting in a relationship to take a darker turn. While some things are changing, conversations about intimacy, consent, and sexual well-being in Indian households still lag behind. Here is how you and your partner can critically break the silence with respect:
- Education: Open conversations help partners understand mutual needs and boundaries of each other. Hence, leaving little to no space for disrespect or misunderstanding.
- Respect: When you and your partner have a conversation without feeling judged, it fosters respect and reduces the likelihood of manipulation and gaslighting in a relationship.
- Empowerment: With the help of healthy discourses and carefree conversations, you and your partner will gain priceless information about one another. This way, knowledge becomes power, and the more you talk, the easier it becomes to recognise unhealthy behaviours.
Gaslighting Is Out, Honest Love Is In
Sexual gaslighting is toxic, insidious, and, unfortunately, far too common in Indian romantic relationships. But recognising it is the first step toward reclaiming your voice and boundaries. In love—and in the bedroom—you deserve honesty, respect, and mutual joy. Because anything less just isn’t worth it.
To practice self-love and self-care in the most pleasurable form, check out:
