How to Give a Hickey Safely

How to Give a Hickey Without Leaving a Crime Scene on Their Neck

This content is for informational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice. Consult a healthcare professional for personal guidance.

Key Takeaways

A hickey is a bruise caused by suction that breaks tiny blood vessels under the skin
Consent is essential — always ask before leaving marks on someone's body
Gentle, sustained suction on fleshy areas produces a hickey without pain
Hickeys typically last 5-12 days and go through the same healing stages as any bruise
Arnica gel and cold compresses can speed healing if you need a hickey to fade faster

The hickey — that telltale mark that has launched a thousand turtleneck purchases and creative concealer applications — is having something of a cultural moment. Once considered a teenage rite of passage, hickeys have been reclaimed by adults as a playful, consensual expression of passion. But there is an art to giving one that is pleasurable rather than painful, and most people are doing it wrong.

Let us start with the basics. A hickey is a bruise. When you apply suction to the skin, you create negative pressure that ruptures tiny capillaries beneath the surface. Blood leaks into the surrounding tissue and pools, creating the characteristic reddish-purple mark. It is the same mechanism that causes a bruise from a bump — just with a more interesting origin story.

The difference between a hickey that feels good and one that feels like a vacuum cleaner attack comes down to technique, location, and communication.

The Consent Conversation

Before we get into technique, let us be unambiguous: you should never leave a mark on someone's body without their explicit consent. A hickey is visible, can last for days, and depending on location, can be difficult to conceal. Some people love them. Some people find them embarrassing. Some have professional contexts where visible marks are not appropriate.

A simple "Do you want me to leave a mark?" or "Is it okay if I suck a bit harder here?" is all it takes. If your partner says no, respect it immediately and move on. The asking itself can be part of the intimacy — it shows that you are paying attention to their body and their boundaries.

Technique: The Step-by-Step

Choose Your Location

The best locations for hickeys are areas with thin skin and good blood supply:

Side of the neck: The classic spot. Thin skin, rich blood supply, and easy access.
Inner arm: More concealable than the neck and equally sensitive.
Collarbone: Visible with certain necklines, discreet with others.
Inner thigh: Private, sensitive, and only visible to the person you intended.
Shoulder: Easy to cover and less sensitive than the neck.

Avoid bony areas like the forehead, chin, or outer arm — these are painful and do not produce good results.

The Actual Technique

Start with kissing. Do not go straight for suction. Kiss the area gently first. Build anticipation. Let your mouth warm up the skin.
Create a seal. Open your mouth slightly wider than a kiss and press your lips against the skin, creating an airtight seal. Think of it as a firm, open-mouthed kiss rather than a pursed-lip suction.
Apply gentle suction. Suck gently — not like you are trying to pull their skin off. The pressure should be firm but not aggressive. Think 30-40% of your maximum suction capacity.
Hold for 20-30 seconds. Sustained, gentle suction produces a better result than aggressive short bursts. If you want a more visible mark, hold for up to 30 seconds. For a subtle mark, 10-15 seconds is sufficient.
Release and check in. Let go, look at the area, and ask your partner how they are feeling. The mark will deepen over the next few minutes as blood pools beneath the surface.

Pro Tip Adding gentle tongue movement or light nibbling while maintaining suction creates a layered sensation that most people find more pleasurable than suction alone. The tongue adds warmth and stimulation while the suction works on the capillaries. It transforms the experience from "giving a bruise" to genuine intimacy.

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How Long Hickeys Last and How to Speed Healing

A typical hickey goes through the same stages as any bruise:

Day 1-2: Red to dark red. Fresh, visible, slightly tender.
Day 3-5: Purple to dark blue. Peak visibility. This is the stage that launches the concealer emergency.
Day 6-9: Green to yellowish-brown. Fading but still visible up close.
Day 10-14: Fully healed. No visible mark remaining.

Speeding Up Healing

Cold compress within the first 24 hours: Apply ice wrapped in a cloth for 10 minutes at a time. This constricts blood vessels and limits the pooling.
Warm compress after 48 hours: Once the initial bruise has formed, warmth increases blood flow and helps your body reabsorb the pooled blood faster.
Arnica gel: Applied topically, arnica has mild anti-inflammatory properties that may speed bruise healing. It is available at most pharmacies.
Vitamin K cream: Some dermatologists recommend vitamin K for speeding bruise resolution, as it plays a role in blood clotting.

Common Mistakes

Too much pressure, too fast: Aggressive suction hurts and can cause actual tissue damage. Always start gentle.
Biting instead of sucking: Teeth marks are not hickeys. They are a different experience entirely and should only happen with explicit consent.
Leaving marks without asking: Non-consensual marking is not sexy. Period.
Choosing visible spots without discussion: A neck hickey on a Sunday is very different from a neck hickey on a Monday morning before a client meeting.

Give A Hickey Without Pain: Your Questions Answered

Can a hickey be dangerous?

In extremely rare cases, very aggressive suction on the neck has been associated with blood clot formation. For normal, gentle hickeys, the risk is essentially zero. Think of it as a minor bruise — which is exactly what it is. If you apply reasonable pressure, there is no medical concern.

How do I cover a hickey quickly?

Colour-correcting concealer is the most effective approach. For fresh red hickeys, use green-tinted concealer. For purple hickeys, use yellow or orange tones. Apply, blend, then cover with a foundation that matches your skin tone. Turtlenecks, scarves, and strategically placed hair also work depending on location.

Does skin tone affect how visible a hickey is?

Hickeys show differently on different skin tones. On lighter skin, they appear more vivid and change colour dramatically through the healing stages. On darker skin, they may appear darker than the surrounding area rather than red or purple. The healing timeline is similar regardless of skin tone.

Can you give a hickey on any body part?

Technically yes, but areas with thinner skin and better blood supply produce clearer hickeys with less effort. Fleshy areas like the neck, inner arm, chest, inner thigh, and shoulder are ideal. Bony or thick-skinned areas require more pressure and produce less satisfying results.

Why do some people bruise more easily than others?

Several factors affect bruising susceptibility: skin thickness (which decreases with age), medication use (blood thinners, aspirin, and certain supplements increase bruising), vitamin deficiencies (particularly vitamin C and K), and individual capillary fragility. If you bruise very easily from light suction, it may be worth mentioning to your doctor during your next checkup.